Hannalice's blog

Ganked it from Flona

My memory isn't that good for the earlier stuff, but I'll do what I can.

Decade Meme

1999.
Poway. Horses, horses, and more horses. I believe I moved there in 1998, so I'd been settled in.

2000.
Much the same. All stable, all the time. School when I had to- my grades are starting to slip. Was this the Huntington year? Honestly can't remember.

2001.
See above. Hating high school, with a firey passion, and therefore doing poorly. After my sophomore year, I went into New Directions- school run homeschooling. I did homework, and went to "class" once a week.

2002.
Homeschooling- therefore, even more stable time. Do all my homework for the week the night before class. Doing MUCH better with my grades. Started working at the Animal Keeper.

2003.
Gradumatation. Moved out when my parents moved back to NH, and boy did that go to hell in a handbasket. Cedar fire, myriad other issues all exploded this year. Not riding anymore, no money, hating life, and very, very confused. Add life-threatening situation to a move I don't want to make and do the math. Went into a downward spiral of stress and illness and hit rock bottom after I moved to NH. Pam's car accident Christmas Day. 

2004.
Dug my way out of the black hole I was in- that took a few months. Started working at Imajica, Chebaco, anything to occupy my mind. Imajica was a bust, Chebaco was a temporary kind of thing. Scotland trip! Gma finally managed to talk me into Meredith Manor, mosrly for a lack of any better ideas. "I've got nothing else, what the hell?" The months spent in the hole had basically reset my social skills- I didn't have any. I spent most of 2004 feeling like someone who just got out of prison- where am I, and what the bloody hell is going on?!

2005.
Start working at VT-NH Vet Clinic as a kennel girl in the spring. Enrolled and preparing for school, trolling ebay for tack and supplies. Still with the awkward social skills. Started MM in the fall. I was a little dubious still, but thrilled to be riding again. Started at the Manor in dressage, switched to western and stayed there. 

2006.
I started really putting myself back together at school. New friends, back into horses, brain really kicked back into gear. Life is FUN! I came leaps and bounds this first year at school, not just with horses, but with myself. Met some amazing people, and met and fell in love with Stripes (after kicking his ass a few times). Spent the summer back in NH, working at the clinic as an assistant, counting off the days 'till I went back to the Manor. Started jumping that fall, switched back to western in the winter, and stayed until I graduated.

2007.
Graduated from the Manor in the spring with 3 grand champ ribbons under my belt from my time there, and felt like I could do ANYTHING. Screwed my back, just didn't realize it yet. Had an interview in FL, entertained a few jobs offers, but nothing felt quite right until Nancy came to me after showmasters and offered me a job with Steve. Went back to NH for a month and worked at the clinic again until I moved to CO to work for Steve in July. I quickly discovered horses 10 hours a day, 6 days a week does me in, physically and mentally, and left in September, totally burnt out. Adopted Gavin while I was out there, also started playing WoW, sadly enough. Headed home to NH, started working at the clinic again, full time. Lost Scout in a routine procedure in December. Started slipping back into the hole a little bit.  

2008.
Saw the slipping, and put the brakes on. Started keeping fish, adopted Liam in April. He kept me very busy. Felt more comfortable with work. Life slipped into a fairly comfortable routine of work, home, dogs. Moved into the apartment above work in the fall. Lost Onyx shortly after that to cancer. Took Ciara into my home after getting sick of euthanizing ringworm cats, and got more than I bargained for. Stopped playing WoW due to boredom. 

2009.
Really looked my sexuality in the face and came out to my family and certain friends,more publicly later on. Was in my first relationship, and was left for the first time. Started kind-of riding again, took Liam to the shy dogs classes and got a lot of help with him. Health scare with Ciara- bone cancer, or what? Still have no idea. Was exposed to Wicked- and will never be the same. :D Started playing WoW again to escape the hole after the relationship stuff. Saw Wicked in theater!! Adopted Leyla after Christmas to keep Liam company and to cut his reactivity. Sat here and thought about this thing for a long, long time.  

Projections for 2010- classes, perhaps? More singing, definitely. Start to settle a little bit, hopefully. And whatever else life happens to bring.

Things I'd like to work on...

I don't really make resolutions, but there are some things I'd like to get accomplished this year...

Turn my apartment into home. Get a damn couch, and fill this place with me. I want people to be able to find out a lot of who I am when they come into my apartment. I'd also like to re-do the tile in the bathroom, but that may be a stretch...

I'd like to do more with my singing. I'm discovering lately just how much my voice has matured, and how much more control and range I have now as opposed to when I was younger. I'd like to do something with it, I'd like to learn more about the technicalities of singing. I mimic well- given enough time and practice, I can reproduce almost any sound within my range, but I have no idea how I'm actually doing it, what it's called, or what else I could do. I'd also *really* like to get over my "stage fright" already. VCC has some classes I might just have to peek into. I'm in a place, mentally, where I can learn all that stuff I was too terrified to try in front of class in high school.

Do I really wanna mess around with acting? I mean, really? It'd be a great outlet, and I think I could do it, but it's so far out of the realm of what I'm comfortable with, I dunno. I guess we'll see.

The 5 Horses

1. The Intro Horse.
We each came into horses in our own way, but it was always with a horse leading us. This might have been a friend’s first pony, or perhaps it was a draft horse on a farm you once visited It might have been a real-life meeting, or an imaginary one. I was escorted to the party by The Black, Walter Farley’s star horse in The Black Stallion series…

I honestly have no idea. I think I was trying to ride things before I really even knew what a horse was, if the picture of me trying to ride my grandmother's greyhound at the age of 3, and the popped kiddie punching bags are any indication. My first introduction that I can remember was The Saddle Club and Thoroughbred books- Stevie and Pride had me well on my way.

2. The Experimental Horse
Once you had crossed the line between “Darn, they’re big!” and “Wow! Can I try that?” you found yourself face-to-face with the horse that would suffer through your early attempts at figuring out the whole horse experience … wherever this horse came from, he probably didn’t benefit from the encounter as much as you did…

Well, there were the lesson horses at the barn I started riding at in 29 Palms, they were the very first critters subjected to me when I was very first learning. Itchy (my first fall) Coco, and Whiskers (little grey pony!) put up with me well. The first horse who *really* had to put up with me was Ruger. He was the first horse I was turned loose on, out in Poway. I look back and cringe at some of the stuff I did with/to him, but he and I had some good times. He was my first competition horse (Poway Rodeo!) and the beasite that taught me the most about the basics.  

3. The Connected Horse
The first horses we meet don’t really connect with us, nor do we with them. Those are experiences in survival and tests of endurance. The Connected Horse is the first horse you truly bond with. This is the horse that sounds a chord that lives so deep in you that you might never have heard it otherwise…

Tigger. He was my buddy. Ex-roping horse that had been rode hard and put away wet for most of his life. This horse had been yahooed to the point that he didn't know or care which way was up, just that he kept running. If I had pointed that horse at a cliff, he'd have gone right over the edge of it with no hesitation. He and I both learned a lot in the two years I rode him. He learned how to slow down a little (along with various other things) and I started learning how to finesse.

4. The Challenger
Into each horseperson’s life, a little challenge must fall. You’ll have read that one final training book, bought yourself a clicker and heading rope, and there you’ll stand, arms crossed, assessing the situation as if you actually knew what the situation was. It might be difficult to believe, as you are flying down the aisleway on the losing end of a braided cotton line, but you actually need this horse in your life…

Oh, my. Where to start? I guess with Charlie- evil little Welsh Pony that he was. That little bastard could buck and swap ends on a dime (mostly to go back to stand at the gate) he taught me the value of patience, and also the value of a few good whacks with a crop. He was seriously cute, but a seriously barn sour little pony. I can't remember the number of times we backed all the way down the hill from his stall because he simply wouldn't turn around.

The ones that really spring to mind right away? Drifter, and Cash. Fucking Spotted Stallions from Hell. Both had been seriously mishandled in their lifetimes, and had built up a thick skin to it because of it. I simply couldn't get through to these two- I tried quiet, I tried loud, I tried nice, I tried mean, nothing. What I learned from these two? GELD. And don't beat up a stud colt just because you can- you'll end up with an impossible horse. Also learned that I just am not fond of stallions. There are two stallions I have truly gotten along with in my life, and that's because they didn't know they were studs.

Lark. Oh. my. god. I don't know what broke in this horses' brain, but there wasn't much there to work with. Her flight instinct was through the roof, and she'd gotten used to getting out of things by running, so run she did. I managed to sort of get through to her and got her ridden, but it was an interesting time. She would scoot and run from light hitting her butt, STARED at planes flying overhead at 38,000 feet, would flip out at the 4th pat on the same different place on her body (not the first three, just the fourth and every one after that) She really wanted to be sweet, and she was, in her spooky, twitchy OMG THE WORLD IS OUT TO EAT ME!!! kinda way, I liked her a lot, but some days I just wanted to crawl inside her head and figure out what the hell broke so I could fix it.

There were others along the way, but those four stick out.

5. Your Deepest Heart
There will come a time when you will look at yourself with a cold, appraising eye, and you’ll have to be honest about your continued ability to deal with The Challenger and other difficult horses. At that point, you’ll seek out the horse that will be your soul mate forever… You’ll have bought him the most comfortable, best fitting equipment… Maybe you’ll still go to shows and ride – brilliantly or barely – in the Alzheimer’s class. Maybe you’ll just stay home. Whatever you do, one day you’ll realize that after all the money you spent on animal communicators and trainers, you only had to stop and listen and you would have clearly heard your horse’s thoughts and desires…

I still feel a very strong connection with Tigger, Kai and Stripes. Tigger I think could've cared less, he wasn't exactly a sweet animal, but I really connected with Kai and Stripes. They're the reason I like NSH's- athletic, and really people oriented. I don't own a horse yet, but you can bet the first horse I buy for myself with either be a QH or NSH, because of these three animals. Kai was just bold. He would do anything (within reason) for you, if he liked you. If he didn't like you, he made your life a living hell while you were on his back. My first and only time swimming a horse was on this guy, and in the short period of time I rode him, we just had a ball. He was my Bug.

Stripes- well, lets just say if I'd had any money when I left school, he'd have come with me. He made my last four quarters of school totally awesome, and somewhat hellish, all at once. I got him into classes my third quarter, rode him my entire fourth quarter, and watched over him like a mother hen for the last two quarters. If I was having a bad day, I could go down to the barn and snuggle with him for awhile (if he had something else to occupy his mouth). What a personality that horse had. He was another one of those horses that was fun to ride if he liked you (but still rather a challenge) but a nightmare if he didn't like you. That horse could try his heart out for me- tarps were SUPER SCARY, but we walked over them- or jumped them, if it was jump class. I seriously miss that horse, and I hope I find another one like him someday.

Yearly Survey

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Came out

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A few friends from the Manor.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nope

5. What countries did you visit?
This one.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A couch!

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 1st. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
*thinks* I'm not sure, actually.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Again, not sure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The back being pissy, got the flu in February that knocked me flat for a week and sent me to the ER.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The new laptop

14. Where did most of your money go?
Life

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting tickets to see Wicked, other things that I can't remember right now. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Defying Gravity

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or Sadder?
Content.

Older or wiser?
Both.

Thinner or fatter?
About the same.

Richer or poorer?
About the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Ridden

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Hmm.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent. Christmas in the morning with my folks, then again with the rest of the family in the afternoon.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Indeed.

23. How many one-night stands?
*SNORT*

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Honestly, I didn't really watch a whole hell of a lot of TV this year. 

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah.

26. What was the best book you read?
Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Wicked.

28. What did you want and get?
Snow tires! :)

29. What did you want and not get?
A pony? *snerk*

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Blind Side

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
24, at the folks.

32. What was one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
This was a pretty good year, actually.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
So don't care.

34. What kept you sane?
Living vicariously through my pc, my friends at work.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hee.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I really didn't pay attention.

37. Who did you miss? (in no particular order)

Sandra, Pat, Genny, Stripes, Liz and all my girls from the Manor.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Emma rocks my socks off. Again, not new, but sooo much fun now that I've corrupted her!

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Go for it. Whatever it is, go for it, with all you've got. Try something new, go out on a limb- worst that can happen is you fail, and you'll survive that.

QotD: Holidays: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

What's your favorite thing about the holidays? Least favorite?

Family, friends. Presents are good too :) Least favorite: the damn snow. It's pretty once the roads are clear. Until then, I hate the stuff.

Dork Diving

And now, for your entertainment:

Dork Diving

Dork Diving!

Life

So yeah, it's pouring, my dog is a huge pansy, and I'm riding again.

And I've started looking into jousting/archery/reenactment again. I'm in trouble now...

QotD: Fame or Respect?

Would you prefer fame or respect? Why?

Respect. Have you seen what celebrities go through on a daily basis? No thanks.

Ahh, Life...

You're so strange. But it works, somehow.

Once a month updates. That's what ya get. ;) Let's see...

I have a new foster dog! She's moving on to another foster home come the 29th, but she's my good deed for a little while. Her owner's dropped her off to be euthanized because "she's making us crazy" but she's such a sweet little thing we decided to give her a chance. I haven't had any of the behaviors they described happen here, but she's also getting a lot more exercise than she was. I'd adopt her out of my home, but she chases the cat pretty badly... she's a Cairn, what do I want, right? Liam's liked having another dog around, and I kind of have too... reconsidering adding a permanent second dog. I'm starting to really like Standard Poodles... but we'll see.

Things are changing again, I'm learning more life lessons (those generally suck, have you noticed that?) and I'm starting to think of Vermont as "home" not just this place I'm in right now. It's kinda weird. But I keep trying to leave, and it keeps not working... maybe I should take the hint.

Went to Maine this past weekend... I had forgotten how much I missed the sea. Wish I had more time to sit out and enjoy it, but I got a good bit. Also, yay for amazing seafood! Had the BEST grilled swordfish at the Tugboat Inn in Boothbay... go, if you ever get the chance. I hope to head to Maine a little more frequently. We're starting to plot another Scotland trip (!) and things are generally looking up.

Right now, it's quiet in my house but for the dog chewing on his rawhide, which is oddly soothing. Gotta love it.

QotD: Natural Disaster

Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? If so: when, where and what happened?

There was an earthquake that was 7.5 on the richter scale in CA when I was a kid- nothing major happened where I was living, but it brought down buildings elsewhere. Also, Cedar fire, 2003- got burned out and we holed up for three days watching the fire come down the hill. That was fun.